The ABCs of the Labyrinth
by TheCorviter
Summary: A series of 300 words (or less) fun, fluffy, and weird drabbles in the style of the anthology film The ABCs of Death. Slightly crackfic.
1. A is for Ambrosis

A/N: As in the summary, this idea came to me from the film The ABCs of Death (go watch it if you're into that kind of thing). As of right now, these are lighthearted (loosely connected but can be stand alone), and will be posed in rough alphabetical order (with the latest chapters at the end). As soon as it's done, they'll be organized properly. Expect them to be uploaded on Fridays in chunks of 5. Some letters might get more than one drabble, if I have ideas too good to resist. If any of you have suggestions, feel free to say something.

Also, I feel like this is an excellent exercise to write more succinctly (so personal improvement as well as general entertainment).

* * *

 **A is for Ambrosius**

He had little memory of his life Above. His entire world revolved around his brave and kind Master, Sir Didymus. Ambrosius was a happy sheepdog- devoted and loyal. Heck, he didn't even mind when Didymus used him as a steed.

Although frightened at times, he knew deep within his doggy heart, that he would go to the ends of the Underground to protect the little knight.

He sighed and licked his chops hungrily. He hated waiting- why did his Master always take so long getting…?

The door to the little hut opened and Didymus strode in, burlap sack slung over his back. Ambrosius' tail wagged a mile a minute and he barked happily in greeting. "Hello, my boy!" Didymus accepted the sloppy dog-kisses with a laugh. Winking, he rummaged through the sack and did his best impersonation of their King, Jareth. "I've brought thee a gift." With a flourish, he withdrew a thick soup bone. Tossing it, he wasn't surprised when the dog caught the item in mid-air, and trotted gaily in a circle before settling down with his prize.

Didymus, did know about Ambrosius' life in the Above. Well, what Jareth had told him of it. How the pup had been broken and bruised, until his human (a "bloody waste of flesh") wished him away.

Jareth did not offer the man the chance to get him back. Instead he unceremoniously shoved a crystal into grubby hands and vanished with the fur-ball nestled in his arms.

And he knew exactly who to bring the near listless canine to: Sir Didymus, gallant knight and official guard of the Bog of Eternal Stench. There, he would find a loving home and assist the lonely fox-terrier with his duties.

Didymus smiled and scratched the shaggy sheepdog's head- knowing how lucky they both were.

* * *

Disclaimer: Jareth and Sarah belong to Jim Henson and Co.


	2. B is for Bunny

**B is for Bunny**

As soon as Sarah stepped through the mirror, she picked up on a difference and hugged her arms to herself. Gooseflesh raised on her exposed skin.

Quiet. It was too quiet.

"Jareth," she called. Her voice echoed down the stone hallway and bounced back to her. No answer- something was wrong. Jogging down the hall, she stopped short at the unusual visual assaulting her eyes.

Bunnies… bunnies were everywhere- every conceivable shape, size, and color. Sleeping, munching on grass (and carrots?), hopping, grooming, and sunbathing in bright beams of light.

Bunnies.

And in the middle of it all sat the mighty Goblin King, in his throne lazily stroking a grey one nestled in his lap. "Jareth?" she questioned.

Looking up he grinned widely at her and setting the critter down, came over to envelop her in a warm hug. "Precious! How were finals?"

"Er… good. Um… what's with…?" she gestured towards the room.

He situated himself behind her, keeping his arms snuggly around her waist and surveyed the area. "How do you like it?" He rested his chin on her shoulder and breathed her in. How he had missed her.

"It's ah, different. What happened?" she asked.

She felt him shrug. "They were particularly annoying so I changed them. I find it's a vast improvement upon their normal forms. I shall forever be The Bunny King," he proclaimed jovially.

Sarah giggled. An image of him sporting bunny ears and a cotton tail floated unbidden into her mind. Next, he'll be taking over Easter. "Jareth, how long have they been like this?"

"About a week. Why?"

"And how stable is your ah, bunny population?"

He pulled away to look fully at her. "Fine. Why?" He had an uneasy feeling bubbling in his stomach.

"Ever hear of the phrase 'breeding like rabbits?'"

* * *

Disclaimer: Jareth and Sarah belong to Jim Henson and Co.


	3. C is for Cheese

**C is for Cheese**

Sarah was on a leisurely stroll to the castle library when a pebble unexpectedly vibrated across her path. "Hmm, odd," she stared at the pebble trying to discern the cause of the unusual feat. Her ponderings were interrupted as the vibration morphed into a low, barely audible rumble. She turned towards the noise, and gasped as the horde of castle goblins came running towards her.

"What the- ack!" her statement cut short as Jareth came into view- beelining to Sarah, pausing briefly to scoop her up, fling her over his shoulder, and resume his mad dash with the others. "Jareth! What the hell is going on?" she demanded.

"Cheese," he panted. "Wished away cheese." His usually magnificently bouffant hairdo was plastered against his skull with sweat. He had been running for some time now.

"Cheese? That doesn't make any sense…oh." She swiped at her hair that was dancing in front of her face and craned her neck to get a better look. Before the group rounded the corner to sprint down a different hall, she spotted it. The biggest wheel of cheese she had ever seen- at a 15-foot radius, careening towards them. And as if by magic (or magnets, but it was more likely some kind of twisted magic) the cheese also turned the corner and continued its pursuit.

"Can't you magic it?" she asked.

"Tried," he puffed, "made it angry."

"Angry?" she echoed, fear mingling with the confusion in her voice.

An inhuman growl issued from the rounded, seemingly sentient dairy product, and it redoubled its efforts- spinning dizzily quick.

"Faster," she slapped at Jareth's back to urge him on, "must go faster!"

The cheese was catching up.

* * *

Disclaimer: Jareth and Sarah belong to Jim Henson and Co.


	4. D is for Distraction

**D is for Distraction**

Sarah was only briefly able to glance out the window before she was unceremoniously scooped up and drawn into his lap.

"What's got your full attention, hmm?" he buried his nose in her dark hair and drew in a long breath, savoring her scent.

"Jareth!" she squirmed, trying to break free and head back to the window. "I was concentrating on something. What's that rumbling noise? It sounds familiar."

Unconcerned, he tightened his arms around her and searched for that tender spot beneath her ear. "George," he said dismissively. And grinned as he located it.

"Hey!" she cried, pushing his face away. "Stop, I'm trying to converse."

He frowned at her. "And I'm trying to seduce." He ran his gloved fingers up her arms in a tickling manner.

Usually it made her shiver, but this time she saucily stuck her tongue out at him. "Later. Who's George?"

He sighed. Clearly, he wasn't going to have his way. "Cheese wheel."

"Cheese wheel?" her eyebrows jumped in surprise. "You mean the angry one?"

"Yes. After I sent you home, dairy products were calmed down and negotiations started. In short, I gave him a job. He guards the northern border."

"You gave a wheel of cheese a job?" she asked astonished. Sarah had seen some insane things in the Labyrinth, but this was new.

He nodded and kissed her cheek. "He has a lovely singing voice. Baritone, I think. I'll take you to properly meet him."

"Wait," she sat up. "When did this happen?"

Jareth thought for a minute. He'd rather be thinking about other, more sensual things. "About a month," he finally answered.

"And you only think to tell me about it now?" she smacked his arm.

He grinned. "No, it's just that every time you're around, I get rather… distracted."

* * *

Disclaimer: Jareth and Sarah belong to Jim Henson and Co.


	5. E is for Eulogy

**E is for Eulogy**

They formed a rough circle around the beat up and slightly mildew encrusted KFC bucket. Sarah did not fail to notice the irony of Peeble's final resting place. Considering the overall mood- a somber one- she decided to keep her thoughts to herself.

"Peeble was a good chicken. Pretty chicken. A chicken- chicken. A…" piped a knee-high goblin whose face resembled that of a turnip. He would have continued, if Jareth hadn't coughed to gain his attention.

"Snickett, others need to speak," he gently reminded.

"Oh," Snickett squeaked, peering up at him. "Sorry."

Jareth nodded in his direction. "Anyone else?"

The others had similar comments of "Good, black, and chicken."

He glanced over at Sarah, who was appropriately clad in black (as was he). "Do you have any words, dearest?"

"Oh," surprised at being expected to share her thoughts of the deceased fowl, Sarah had to think for a minute before replying. "Whenever I saw her, she always looked happy." Actually, Sarah didn't know if this was true or not. She could barely tell the goblins apart let alone the two dozen or so black chickens meandering around the Labyrinth. But figured it was the right thing to say.

Jareth gave her a slight smile and once again addressed the group. His tone deep and authoritative. "Though, Peeble the Chicken will be missed, she will live forever in our hearts. May she experience a safe passage to the Summerlands and-"

He was cut off by a tugging on his boot. "Chickenlands," Snickett corrected. "Chickens go to Chickenlands."

Jareth frowned down at the critter and sighed. Things were so much easier when they were bunnies. "My mistake, Snickett. May she experience a safe passage to the Chickenlands."

Sarah, couldn't help herself any longer and snorted in amusement.

* * *

Disclaimer: Jareth and Sarah belong to Jim Henson and Co.


	6. F is for Fast Food

**F is for Fast Food**

Frowning, he poked at it. "What is it again?"

Sarah sighed heavily, "It's a cheeseburger. It's not going to kill you, you know." She opened hers and picked off the pickles. She hated pickles.

"Cheese. Burger." The words felt funny in his mouth and he eyed her suspiciously as something dawned on him. "Boogers. This," he gestured towards his sandwich, "is made of boogers?"

She sighed again, reassembling hers and taking a large, unladylike bite, uncaring that grease and gristle was dribbling down her chin. "Cow," she muttered around the food in her mouth. "It's made of cow," she swallowed thickly. "Honestly, Jareth." She glanced around to make sure nobody was too close by to hear her next statement. Happy to see that the coast was clear she said, "I can't believe that at 3,000 years old, you've never had fast food before."

He poked at it again, "I do like cheese," he mused.

Sarah glared at him from around her second bite. Again, grease and gristle slid down her chin. Jareth had a powerful urge to lick it clean.

She chewed, swallowed, and took a sip of her milkshake. "If it helps, I've heard people call them 'steamed hams.'"

He leaned back trying to make himself comfortable against the brightly colored plastic vinyl of the booth they were sitting in. "Well, that makes even less sense. They're made of cow, why the Bog would they name them 'steamed hams?'"

Sarah groaned in frustration and resisted the urge to beat her head against the faded tabletop. Glaring at him once more, she ground out, "Just shut up and try it."

His turn to glare at the dark-haired woman before him. Such demands of royalty. Picking up his thoroughly poked burger, he bit into it, and after a minute, smiled.

* * *

Disclaimer: Jareth and Sarah belong to Jim Henson and Co.

A/N: The 'Steamed Hams' is a joke from The Simpsons. Season 7, Episode 21- '22 Short Films About Springfield'.


	7. G is for Goblin

**G is for Goblin (what else would it be for)**

Jareth placed a gloved hand across his weary eyes and tapped the riding crop against his thigh with a bruising force. Their jittering and antics were trying his patience to the breaking point. Even the sting of the crop against his thigh did little to distract him from dopey laughs and distant crashes.

Tossing the crop to the side, he stood and kicked a few of the cretins out of his way. Usually, that made him feel better, however, he was further aggravated when they scurried back to his side with joyful cries of "again!" and a queue formed with other goblins (great and small) wanting in on the fun.

Turning away, he flopped across his curved throne, conjured a crystal and idly stared into it as it rolled across his hand.

Where was Sarah? Usually she stopped in daily providing a lovely distraction from… _them_.

Oh, that's right- she had college finals to attend to, and it would be another week before he saw her. He groaned at the realization that he'd have to put up with this for 7 more days. Feeling out with his magic, he noted that there were no potential wishers on the horizon either.

The crystal glinted sharply- catching his blue eyes. There was that spell he had been working on…

Looking at the horde, he decided that _anything_ was better than this. Standing, he focused on the bauble and tossed it into the air. When it reached its peak, a bright flash followed by a sonic boom thundered throughout the castle.

He blinked, waiting for his vision to clear and grinned at the sight before him. It was blissfully quiet- no crashes or gibbering. Jareth laughed and artfully arranged himself back on his throne. He was going to like being the Bunny King.

* * *

Disclaimer: Jareth and Sarah belong to Jim Henson and Co.

A/N: A prequel to B is for Bunny (just in case anybody was curious).


	8. H is for Hair

**H is for Hair**

Jareth had fallen asleep nestled in Sarah's window box watching the spring storm roll through. He found Aboveground storms fascinating- particularly the thunder and lightning. Not that the Underground didn't have storms (they did), but they weren't as grandiose as these.

That's how Sarah found him when she returned from shopping. She watched as the sun slowly peeked out from behind a grey cloud, bathing him in warm, golden light. Shaking her head fondly, and grabbing a throw from the back of the couch, she carefully tucked it around him. In addition to revealing the dust motes dancing in the air, the sunlight picked out individual strands of his uneven hair- making it seem larger than normal.

His hair had always intrigued her. A look that she knew few to be able to pull off successfully, which of course, he did. The mystifying part to her was how he maintained the style. When asked if he used magic to do so, he laughed openly- thinking she had made a grand joke. And assured her that it was common trait of his Fae nature.

Of course, she didn't believe him. Going so far as to wait for a day she knew he was occupied in meetings, before barging through the mirror connecting their worlds to search his bathroom. She expected to find more than one purloined Aboveground bottle of mousse or hairspray. However, her search only came up with a bar of soap, a bottle of shampoo, and a shaving kit.

An idea flitted through her head. "Secrets," she said to herself, smiling. Reaching out to touch a wayward strand, "his hair must be full of them." To her, the idea was not too out there, all things considered. Now, she only had to figure out what they were.

* * *

Disclaimer: Jareth and Sarah belong to Jim Henson and Co.

A/N: So H now has two, and I have about two more that are sitting in my head. Once I'm finished this chapter will be put in its proper place.

And big hair being full of secrets, I think comes from the film Mean Girls. I haven't seen it in ages, but I seem to remember it being said by one of the characters.


	9. H is for Healthcare

**H is for Healthcare**

"Please," she pleaded, taking his hands into her own. "For me- for my own piece of mind?"

Jareth snatched his hands out of hers, turned away and crossed his arms- irritated. "Sarah, I'm as fit as a fiddle. I have no need to do… that."

She came around and cupped his face in her palm. "I know, but you still have 'things,'" she glanced down pointedly, "and I want to make sure everything is okay."

"Sarah…" he growled. She had been after him for weeks to see an Aboveground physician because her father had a close call and she demanded that he needed to get checked as well.

"Let me ask you this: are you able to get me pregnant?"

His blue eyes widened in shock- that was not what he had been expecting. Smiling lasciviously, he purred in his most seductive voice, "It might take a couple of tries, but yes."

She shoved at him playfully, not falling for his act. "Then get checked."

So, here he was, naked beneath an itchy white cotton gown waiting for Dr. Whomever to see him. He was gently singing 'slime and snails or puppy dog tails,' when the rotund, balding man walked in, focused on Jareth's chart.

"Pleasure to meet you Mr. Erlkönig," he said, not glancing up. Turning his back towards him, he washed his hands. "This is just a routine exam. Have you had any issues urinating?" He dried his hands and walked over to a small cardboard box, withdrawing a pair of latex gloves, snapping each into place.

"No," Jareth said, "I have not." _What an odd question,_ he thought.

"I still have to check. Please turn around and bend over, placing your elbows on the table," he requested mildly, as he smeared lubricant onto his forefinger.

* * *

Disclaimer: Jareth and Sarah belong to Jim Henson and Co.

A/N: I know HUGE suspension of disbelief here! However, to explain Sarah's reasoning- if they share enough biological similarities to have children together, then he might have enough to develop cancer (magical Fae immune system be damned).

And this also serves as a PSA- Please, please urge every loved male in your life to get checked! I've dealt with prostate cancer on a personal level, and if it's caught too late- it's devastating for everybody involved.

I read a fic a while back where Jareth had Erlkönig as a last name... but I can't remember where. If anybody does- let me know so I can credit.


	10. I is for Iris

**I is for Iris**

He knew that she loved irises, so he took great care to select and arrange a multitude of bouquets. When he ran out of vases, he recruited champagne flutes, tall mugs and the water pitcher to house the rest. Then he scattered them artfully over every flat surface of the living room. That way she could see them when she first walked in. He settled in to wait, and glanced at the clock. She was twenty minutes late. _Traffic,_ he thought, settling further into the squashy armchair and quickly dosing off.

Only to be awakened later at the door opening, the click of her heels on the wood floor, and a soft gasp.

"Oh," she cooed, running slender fingers with brightly painted nails across the arrangement closest to her. Eyes sparkling, she found him, half-awake but happy that his idea pleased her so. "You remembered," she walked over to him, leaning down and bestowing a deep, loving kiss. "Thank you, Robert."

A besotted smile crept across his face as he wished Karen a "happy anniversary."

* * *

Disclaimer: Jareth and Sarah belong to Jim Henson and Co.


	11. J is for Jareth

**J is for Jareth**

I knew he'd be back- it was only a matter of time. So, I wasn't surprised to come home one day and find him lounging arrogantly on my couch.

"Hello, Precious," he greeted, popping a cherry in his mouth. Apparently, he had raided my kitchen, and Sprocket, my Jack Russel Terrier, was curled up between his knees- some guard dog he was.

"Hi, Jareth," I sighed as I put my satchel on the coffee table and sat on the armchair, "Took you long enough. What, five years?" I plucked a cherry out of the bowl between us.

He smiled toothily, and spat the cherry seed into a coffee cup that was balanced on his chest. "Had to wait for you to grow up." He eyed me appreciatively, "and you have."

"And?" I mumbled around the cherry in my mouth, tearing the sweet flesh away from the seed. I heard a soft tinkling as he sat up and offered his cup to me. Sprocket grumbled the movement and stretched against his thigh. Jareth petted him thoughtfully.

I spat into the cup, and popped a fresh cherry into my mouth waiting for him to say something.

He leaned back against the couch cushions and appraised me once more.

Two could play that game. He looked the same as he did five years ago. Same flyaway whitish blonde hair, same upturned eyebrows, same dilated left eye, same… indecent pants. Despite the strangeness of him, he was attractive. Heck, even my 16-year old self picked up on that (even if she didn't fully understand).

"Sarah," he said softly. He leaned forward and took my hand in his gloved ones, staring intensely at me- giving the impression that what he was about to say held great importance. "Would you like to go out to dinner?"

* * *

Disclaimer: Jareth and Sarah belong to Jim Henson and Co.

A/N: My first attempt at first person. I like it, and might do it again for a few other letters.


	12. K is for Kaleidoscope

**K is for Kaleidoscope**

I really should give humans more credit. They can invent amazing things. And this thing, simplistic in nature, is remarkable in its ability to captivate.

"You've been playing with that for two days," Sarah punctuated her statement with a hard poke to my shoulder. "I'm sure Toby misses it by now."

I lowered the object from my eye and blinked- focusing on her standing next to me with her hands planted firmly on her hips.

I shrugged. "He gave it to me in exchange for his dreams." At the sharp look and deep frown from her, I elaborated. "Nighttime dreams, Sarah. I weaved a highly realistic space dinosaur dream for him. Even throwing in that robot he likes so much, what was his name..?" I thought for a minute and smiled as it came to mind. "Oh, R2-D2." Feeling as though my answer was sufficient, I put the toy to my eye and started twisting it again- marveling at the way the colors and patterns changed.

"Huh," she said. "That explains why he's been so eager for bedtime lately. And Karen thought it was from the trips his cub scout group had gone on." I felt her shove my legs off her couch- effectively ruining my royal sprawl- and sit next to me.

"I swear, Jareth, your other form should have been a magpie." She snatched the kaleidoscope from my hand.

"Give me that," I lunged, but she danced it out of my reach.

"Ah-ah!" she trilled triumphantly. "You gave Toby something for this. I want something too."

I scowled. "I'm not a bloody genie you know."

She laughed. "No, I was thinking more of a kiss."

Oh, well, now that was different. I lunged again, only for a different prize this time.

The kaleidoscope tumbled to the floor, forgotten.

* * *

Disclaimer: Jareth and Sarah belong to Jim Henson and Co.


	13. L is for Lake

**L is for Lake**

"We have lakes in the Underground, Sarah. I could take us there in two seconds," he swatted at a mosquito buzzing around his head. "And I don't understand this 'hiking' business."

She turned to look at him, nearly whacking him with the fishing poles she carried. "It's part of the experience- a Williams' tradition." He looked terrible- his hair which had been tamed into a ponytail, had come undone in parts and had leaves tangled in it. He had tripped and fallen earlier, resulting in mud smeared across his cheek and a hole in his jeans.

Clearly, Jareth was not built for outdoor activities.

Sarah took his hand, pulling him along. The lake was on the other side of the hill, and she smelled the water, her excitement building. "You didn't understand cheeseburgers until you tried them. Hiking is only a small part- you'll enjoy fishing."

They crested the hill and took in the picturesque view of a vast lake nestled in the valley below. There were families swimming and fathers teaching their sons how to fish. Sarah frowned. He had slowed them down so much that the lake was crowded.

She turned, dejectedly, to head back to her car.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"All the good spots are gone. We'll have to head back."

"You really wanted to go fishing, didn't you?"

She nodded sadly, and he suddenly understood that this was more than just doing human stuff together. "Come here," he gathered her into his arms. "Close your eyes and hold tight."

She did and felt a counterclockwise whirring sensation surround them. When it abated, she looked around. They stood in the exact same spot, only it was a few hours earlier- dawn to be exact, and they were alone.

He had reordered time just for her.

* * *

Disclaimer: Jareth and Sarah belong to Jim Henson and Co.


	14. M is for Meat

**M is for Meat**

Sarah was reading, comfortably stretched out on her couch, when out of the corner of her eye, she saw a large ham glide across the room towards her full-length mirror.

"Oy, goblins," she sat up, and at the sharpness in her voice, the creatures became visible and paused in their ham hijacking. Sarah narrowed her eyes at them. "Where'd you get that?" Wracking her brain, Sarah couldn't remember buying ham recently.

"Found it," one goblin said meekly.

"Where?" she stood and started circling the group.

"Sidewalk," another offered.

She stopped her circling. "Sidewalk!" she balked. "Do you have any idea what could be in…?" she trailed off at a loss for words. Furrowing her brow, she tried to think of a plausible explanation why they shouldn't take it home and eat it. "It could be full of cocaine," she insisted finally- figuring that sounded dangerous enough to thwart them.

"Cocaine?" A third goblin scrunched its face up- confused. She groaned. Of course, they wouldn't know about that stuff.

Sarah sighed and snatched the meat from grubby paws. "It's bad- trust me."

The last goblin of the group, a round one who was always hungry, offered up the idea that, "We eats around bad?"

Sarah glared at them and stuffed the ham in the garbage can, closing the lid with a snap. "No." She rummaged through her pantry, withdrawing a box of dog biscuits. Sprocket, her terrier, joined the group with an eagerly wagging tail. She handed each a biscuit and shooed the Underground crew back through the mirror linking their worlds.

Sighing she rubbed Sprocket's ears. "Now I understand why Jareth is so grumpy." Giving the dog an extra biscuit, she giggled. "Cocaine hams." Her eyes widened as she regretted her extreme example to the impressionable creatures.

* * *

Disclaimer: Jareth and Sarah belong to Jim Henson and Co.

A/N: Cocaine Ham is based on a true story. Some married friends of mine came across a ham sitting on the sidewalk. Their conversation was pretty much the same as Sarah has with the goblins.


	15. N is for Nest

**N is for Nest**

"Why do I have to be blindfolded?" Sarah asked.

"Makes the surprise more… surprising." In truth, she didn't need to be but he enjoyed seeing her like that.

"But I've seen every inch of this castle already. What possible surprises could there be?" They had been walking up and down corridors for what felt like forever.

"You'll see." She heard him open a door and usher her inside. After a few steps, he stopped her and stooped to remove her shoes and socks.

"What…?" she began to ask until he shushed her.

"There's a big wall right in front of you. Lift your leg."

She did and stepped into something soft and fluffy like cotton. He guided her other leg over the barrier until she was standing fully inside.

"Okay," she could hear the excitement in his voice as he climbed over to stand next to her. "Are you ready?"

"Yes?" Sarah was uncertain if she wanted to know what she was standing in or _on_ for that matter. It wasn't moving, so that was a good thing, right?

He let the blindfold drop and Sarah quickly assessed her surroundings. She was standing inside of a giant… nest.

At a loss for words, she looked at him, mouth agape.

"Do you like it?" He was practically bouncing on his toes. "I made it myself. See the feathers?" he pointed. "Mine."

"Oh." Sarah examined it closely, the craftsmanship was exquisite- each twig and spider web weaved intricately together into a perfect circle. The walls and the bottom of the nest had to be at least 2 feet thick.

"It's lovely," she praised. "But, Jareth, barn owls don't build nests. They nest in tree hallows or old barns…"

"I know," he said, dismissing her Aboveground logic, "but I'm no ordinary barn owl."

* * *

Disclaimer: Jareth and Sarah belong to Jim Henson and Co.


	16. O is for Origami

**O is for Origami**

He knew it wasn't going to help since it was a human fable: If he could make 1,000 of them a wish would be granted. Still, he folded.

Prior to this, he had tried everything- called in professionals from all over the Underground: healers, human experts, even exhausting his own personal magical reserves- a combined effort to save, failed.

Her sudden ailment mystified all who were involved. They did what they could to make her comfortable, but in the end, he was told to wait. If she lived through the night, she'd be on the road to recovery… if not… well…

And so, he folded. The candle burned low in its holder- he had been at this for hours. Customarily worn gloves, long discarded, revealed elegant pale fingers now scored by angry, red paper-cuts. It was a last-ditch effort to keep himself sane- to feel like he was doing something- anything but pacing the floor filled with worry and heartache.

The stack of papers on his desk steadily dwindled as the flock of perfectly folded cranes grew- lining bookshelves, a nearby table, and scattered upon the cold stone floor. He placed a few on the nightstand next to her- acting as silent, fragile guardians.

His eyes flicked to the mirror hanging above his desk observing the reflection of his bed and the thin woman fitfully sleeping upon it. Her peaches and cream complexion- grey and dull. Her glossy dark mane of hair- matted and wet with the sweat of an unbroken fever. Deep purple bruises circled her eyes, and usually full lips- thinned and cracked with labored shallow breaths.

He knew it wasn't going to help, but still he folded, and with each precise crease and turn of the paper, he wished.

* * *

Disclaimer: Jareth and Sarah belong to Jim Henson and Co.

A/N: A departure from the light and fun, I know. This idea came from the children's book 'Sadako and the Thousand Paper Cranes' by Eleanor Coerr.


	17. O is for Overnight

**O is for Overnight**

It would be her first overnight in the Underground and looking at the small cardboard box on her bed, she frowned.

"Does he even know what it is?" she wondered. "It's a natural thing, but then again, he didn't know what cheeseburgers were." Sarah ran an anxious hand through her hair. "That was different- surely, he would know about…"

The air around her tingled and grew thick. Jareth had arrived, and would be walking through her bedroom door any minute. She sighed and double checked her overnight bag.

"Hello," he said cheerfully as he hugged her from behind and kissed her cheek. "Ready?"

"Hi. Almost."

He spotted the innocent box. "Ah, that changes things," he murmured.

"Hmm?" She turned and looked at him.

"I was planning on ravishing you senseless but, it seems that will be put on hold… for now. No, what you need is a hot bath and rest." He ran his fingers through her hair tenderly. "We have a tea that might help with the pain and I'll personally provide you with hot towels every half hour."

Sarah's eyes widened in shock. "You…you still want me to stay over?" She couldn't believe her ears, not only did he understand, he wanted to help.

He chuckled and kissed her forehead. "Precious, women have been getting their menses since the dawn of time. Fae and human, I might add. It's no big deal. It just means that _certain things_ will have to wait. Unless…"

She eyed him sharply. "Unless what?"

He chuckled again and pulled her close. "It's been said that _those_ kinds of activities can assist with painful cramps," he whispered into her ear.

Sarah pulled away, blanching as his meaning sunk in.

"No? Well, how about a back-rub?

* * *

Disclaimer: Jareth and Sarah belong to Jim Henson and Co.

A/N: She has a box of feminine napkins on her bed- if you needed to know. This one pushes the T rating a bit, but not enough (to me) to change the story to M. Things are implied.


	18. P is for Park

The Scoutmaster had never seen anything like this. A black squirrel was tucked beneath the wing of a barn owl in a crook of an oak tree.

"Does New York even have black squirrels?" he asked more to himself than to his charges who were busily exploring. Ben tilted his head, considering the duo from a new angle. The action perfectly mirrored by rodent and raptor- an unnatural human-like intelligence glimmered from their beady black eyes.

If possible, the squirrel made itself even more comfortable, cuddling closer and resting its head and paw on the owl's chest.

"Are they snuggling?" he murmured incredulously. "I must be hallucinating," he sighed, running a hand through his short brown hair. "Or maybe they're rabid." He squinted, trying to get a better look at them. "I don't see any foam." Still, he raised his voice, directing it towards the boys. "Come along children, last one to the hot dog cart is a rotten egg."

A chorus of cheers echoed around him as four boys dashed off towards the nearby gleaming metal cart. The fifth cub scout stopped to see what had captured his master's attention so thoroughly. His blue eyes warmed with recognition. "Hi, Sarah! Hi, Jareth," he called out cheerfully, waving at them.

Ben looked down at the 7-year old, grey eyes wide in astonishment. "Toby, what do you mean 'Sarah' and 'Jareth'? You know these…creatures?"

Toby shrugged nonchalantly. "It's only my sister and her boyfriend," he said. However, the look on his face read, 'well, duh, isn't it obvious?' He frowned. This was taking away from precious hot dog consumption. "You're a rotten egg!" he squealed, running to join the queue around the cart.

Ben cast one last look at the tree to see paw and wing raised in a farewell salute.

* * *

Disclaimer: Jareth and Sarah belong to Jim Henson and Co.

A/N: This is the very first short that I wrote for this series. Just felt like pointing that out. Also, this takes place about a year after J is for Jareth- if anybody is keeping tabs on years, dates, or ages.


	19. Q is for Questions

**Q is for Questions**

For three hours, she had been asking questions.

Sarah didn't notice her at first. She climbed through the mirror asking Jareth if he "wanted to go to a movie," which he answered by handing her the toddler.

"Sarah, meet Abigail, she's two." He stalked over to his throne and threw himself upon it.

She smiled down at the girl, all chestnut curls and brown eyes. "Hi, Sweetie, did your brother wish you away?"

"Yep," the girl announced, happy to have someone else to talk to. "Who are you?"

"I'm a friend of Jareth's. Has he been nice to you?"

The little girl pouted. "No, fuzzy-man boring!"

"Boring!" she echoed with exaggerated indignation. "We'll have to fix that." She put the child down. "Wait right here, I'll go talk to him."

"Jareth-" she started over, intending to lecture him.

He held up his hand to stop her. "Sarah, please, we don't get ones that talk very often. And she's exceptionally vocal." He looked weary and frazzled.

"What do you normally do with the children?"

"Sing and they fall asleep, but this one is being difficult."

"Hmm… Abigail," Sarah called the little girl over and knelt in front of her. "What's your favorite game to play?"

"Tea party!" she squealed.

After having 'tea party' described to him, Jareth conjured the necessary components and they took their respective places around the child-sized table. Abigail dug through a box of old toys Sarah had grabbed from her apartment.

"Oooh," the girl cooed as she placed a plastic crown on her head. She then withdrew a tattered jester's hat. She unceremoniously plopped onto Jareth's head. "Fuzzy-man: Troll," she announced.

Sarah giggled at his new moniker and patted his hand. "It's a good look for you- very becoming."

Jareth glared.

* * *

Disclaimer: Jareth and Sarah belong to Jim Henson and Co.

A/N: So I figure the majority of the children who are wished away are babies, not ones who have the ability to talk (excessively) and remember things.


	20. R is for Reprieve

**R is for Reprieve**

Unfortunately, Sarah could only afford to go a few times a year, so she took her time and enjoyed it. It acted as a reprieve from everything: School, work, magic, bird-brained boyfriends whose idea of romance was to show her a giant nest he'd painstakingly built.

She still didn't know what to make of that, but she'd worry about it later.

And seeing as how his subjects visited daily, she couldn't figure out why they never followed her here. Maybe there was too much metal around and it messed up their magic. Maybe Jareth sensed that she needed a break from the craziness of his world and kept everyone away- including himself.

She never bothered to ask. She didn't want to know.

And she never would have tried this in the first place if her father hadn't given her a certificate with the words of "honestly, Sarah you need to live a little- add some adventure to your life."

If he only knew.

She straightened her goggles, double-checked her flight suit and tightened the strap on her helmet. Tucking a loose strand of her dark hair back into a messily tied ponytail, she stepped into the chamber and gave the attendant thumbs up, signaling that she was ready.

The door locked shut with an audible 'clink', and after a few minutes the column of wind started. Sarah felt herself lift off the floor- a shriek of pure delight escaped her lips as she rose higher and higher, splaying her limbs wide- keeping herself aloft.

Who knew that indoor skydiving could be an excellent escape?

* * *

Disclaimer: Jareth and Sarah belong to Jim Henson and Co.

A/N: I've never gone skydiving (indoor or otherwise), so this is just based on Internet research. And I was surprised at how inexpensive it is. About $80 for two sessions.


	21. S is for Sparkle

**S is for Sparkle**

As soon as Sarah opened the door, the light blinded him. "Well, come on; you're letting the heat out," she said, tugging him inside.

Like a magpie, Jareth adored shiny things (and Sarah, but that's a different matter). So, when his vision cleared enough- seeing her surrounded by a roomful of glinting and glistening objects, a beatific smile broke across his face. "What is this place?" he asked, voice full of wonder.

Sarah laughed and drew him deeper inside. "Swarovski- it's a crystal store."

He cocked a glamoured eyebrow in amused irony. "Crystals, huh?"

She smirked. "Not magical of course, but I know how you are about sparkly things…" She shrugged. "Look around."

He darted from case to case, peering at necklaces, rings, and figureings- all of which had been carefully crafted by Aboveground human hands. Then he saw it, a perfect pair of princess cut drop earrings. They would look magnificent on her (and combine two things he adored). Glancing up, he noticed that she was absorbed in a line of historical photos of Swarovski products.

He'd have to come back later and purchase them. But he couldn't just give them to her for no reason. There were no human holidays coming up and her birthday wasn't for a few months. Maybe he could take her to that musical play, the one where grown humans dressed like felines, and gift her with the earrings beforehand- to wear to it. Jareth pursed his lips considering the idea. Yes, that would work.

Smiling, he wandered over to her with the suggestion of lunch on his lips, while his mind planned out returning in a day or two.

"Find anything you like?" she asked wrapping her arm around his waist as they walked towards the door.

"Perhaps," he kissed her temple.

* * *

Disclaimer: Jareth and Sarah belong to Jim Henson and Co.


	22. T is for Trap

**T is for Trap**

Most of the time, it sat in the throne room. However, this time it was sitting on the front steps of the castle and now, here she was, suspended in mid-air.

She struggled to bend upwards and untie the slip knot holding her feet securely above her. No such luck- she only made it half way before her stomach muscles cramped. "When I get back home, I'm signing up for the gym," she vowed as she went limp and the world turned upside down.

Just as she gathered enough strength to try again, a barn owl swooped down landing below her. Transforming into a thin blonde man, with copious amounts of glitter swirling around him. He smiled at the dangling woman. "Sarah," he cooed, and stepping forward, kissed the tip of her nose. "Not what I was expecting to catch, but pleasant just the same."

"Jareth," she bit out "Why'd you move the mirror? How many times have I told you not to move the mirror?" Sarah tried to look stern and intimidating, but the effect was lost given her current predicament.

It didn't matter since his attention was elsewhere. A small, brightly wrapped package had caught his eye. Bending, he picked it up and brushed some of his glitter off. "Is this for me?" he asked her brightly.

Sarah groaned. It had fallen out of her pocket when she was snared. "No," she lied, renewing her efforts to free herself and reach the knot once more- causing the rope to sway from side to side.

He smirked at her, knowing her answer was false. "I think it is," he replied. Jareth cocked his head as he noticed her struggling. "Do you need help?"

"No, I've got it," her hands brushed the rope and almost grabbed the knot when her muscles gave out once more and she went slack with a frustrated squeak.

"Hmm…" he murmured, attention once more drawn to the package. He lifted it to his ear and shook it gently, trying to discern what's inside. "Are you sure? It doesn't look like you're getting anywhere."

Sarah growled in irritation. If _he_ hadn't moved the mirror in the first place, _this_ wouldn't have happened. "Why the hell is this here anyw-" Her tirade was cut short as he snapped his fingers and the snare dissolved leaving her to fall into a graceless heap on the floor.

His attention didn't deter from the package, as he brought it to his nose and sniffed delicately. "It's not edible," he muttered, deep in thought.

"Jareth!" Sarah stalked over and grabbed the box out of his hands- effectively causing him to focus fully on her. "You have the attention span of a goldfish," she spat as she sat on the steps dragging him down next to her. "Why'd you move the mirror? And what's with the rope?"

He glared at her. "Honestly, you're no fun sometimes. The mirror and the rope are for him," he gestured broadly in front of them. "Now, give that back," he pointed at the present.

Sarah looked in the direction he indicated while handing the box over to his greedy hands. She didn't see anything different- just the cobblestone path leading to the front of the castle. Then something moved. She squinted trying to make the shape out. "Is that a capybara?"

He nodded while shaking the box against his other ear. Maybe he'd hear something different from that side.

"Do I even want to know why you have a capybara?"

"No," he said simply, "you don't. He's been here for a week, and while I like the calming effect he has on my subjects, I'm not efficiently equipped to take care of him."

From the nature shows she'd seen on the rodents, Sarah considered capybaras to be the sweetest wild animals of the Aboveground- very Zen.

This capybara's calm state had indeed rubbed off onto some of the goblins, for a pile of them lounged nearby. A small one curled up on his back, which the animal didn't seem to mind.

She stared at the scene before them. "Wait," she tapped on Jareth's knee, drawing his attention to her again. "You have the means to take care of a giant sentient wheel of cheese-"

"George," he interjected.

"Yes, George, but you can't take care of a rodent?"

"Well, rodents eat cheese, don't they?" he reasoned. Plus, I feel George fits in with us better. He's more eccentric, don't you think?"

"Sure," she conceded. "Why not just crystal the animal or something?"

"I tried. He's resistant to every magical thing I've thrown at him. So, I've had to resort to more simple methods."

"That explains the snare. But the mirror?"

"He likes shiny objects."

Sarah nodded. "Right." Currently, Jareth was dancing the box between his fingers, watching the sunlight play off the metallic bow. "' _He'_ likes shiny objects. Why didn't you tell me you moved it?"

"I didn't expect to catch you," his voice distant and distracted. "How long were you stuck there anyway?"

Sarah looked at her watch. "Three hours Aboveground time. Oh, crap!" she stood. "I need to get back and write a paper." Before he could react, she snatched back the box and stuffed it into her pocket. "You'll be getting this later."

"But-" he protested.

"No buts. You weren't supposed to get this until tonight. I'll see you at the restaurant." She disappeared through the mirror.

His shoulders slumped- he hated waiting.

The capybara gave a satisfied yawn before settling more comfortably on the sun-warmed path.

* * *

Disclaimer: Jareth and Sarah belong to Jim Henson and Co.

A/N: Anybody notice how this is way beyond my 300 word limit? It was actually going to be its own thing- not part of ABCs but, beyond the length, I think it fits in quite well.


	23. U is for Unwanted Affection

**U is for Unwanted Affection**

He felt it- a tiny bit of pressure around his ankle. And it was interrupting his very important musings. Looking down, he spotted one of the leftover goblin-bunnies hugging his leg. It looked up at its king, wiggled its nose approvingly at him and, went back to hugging.

"Snickett!" he bellowed, and a tiny goblin with a turnip-like face detached itself from the horde.

Scurrying over he gave a messy bow and said, "Kingy?"

Jareth scowled at him. "How many times have I told you NOT to address me as such?"

"Uhh…." Snickett mumbled not knowing how to count past five but felt like the request had been made more than that.

"Never mind," he snapped and gestured at the rodent still lovingly attached to his leg. "Why is this hugging me?"

Snickett stared at the bunny like it had grown two heads. Nobody dared hug the Goblin King, except for the Lady, but she was different. "I…I…"

He was interrupted as a grey bunny hopped over and attached itself to Jareth's other leg- hugging him just as affectionately as the first. Soon, a line of multicolored bunnies (and even a few goblins) formed, waiting to shower him with gentle hugs.

"Toby," Sarah piped up, climbing off the windowsill where she had been quietly watching. "Toby taught them to hug." They had brought him to visit a few days ago after swearing him to secrecy. And as far as his parents knew, he had visited a local carnival.

Apparently, the 7-year-old was just as good at making friends and influencing creatures as his big sister.

* * *

Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to Jim Henson and Co.


	24. V is for Vegetables

**V is for Vegetables**

Jareth sighed. He was growing soft, he knew it. But considering the wish-maker and just who he was related to- he answered.

He appeared silently in a dimly lit dining room solely occupied by a boy with tawny curls. Said boy was staring despondently as his half-full dinner plate.

To ensure no interruptions, Jareth set a spell to keep the boys' parents occupied. "Toby," he greeted.

"Jareth!" the boy squealed almost knocking the taller being over with the force of his hug.

He patted his head affectionately. "So, you wished the goblins would take away your dinner?" he asked conversationally.

Toby nodded emphatically. "Yes, the green stuff."

Jareth gently disengaged himself and peered at the plate. It was eaten clean except for a pile of cold, soggy broccoli. He sympathized with the boy, but still had to set a good example. "Toby, you can't wish every little thing that displeases you away. That's not the way life works," he chided.

Making a disgusted face, Toby insisted that, "they're icky."

"Yes," he agreed. "But," he continued, walking into to the kitchen and rummaging through the refrigerator, "I know how to make them better."

The next weekend when Sarah visited her family, she was regaled with a tale of amazement from Karen. "Ever since last Thursday, he'll eat anything green I put in front of him." She smiled at the boy, full of pride. None of his friends ate their vegetables so easily.

"Really?" Sarah asked astonished. She helped herself to a heaping spoonful of green beans. "What changed?"

"Cheese." Karen said simply. "He likes them with cheese."

Sarah was puzzled to say the least. Jareth was the only one they both knew who ate his vegetables with cheese. And she was certain that Toby didn't know about that.

* * *

Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to Jim Henson and Co.


	25. W is for Watchtower

**W is for Watchtower**

My parents keep telling me not to visit- for it is an ancient crumbling structure, but I cannot help myself. I steal away as often as I can to wander the path I know so well. Eventually, it leads to a weather beaten half-caved in building. I climb the cool stone stairs to the very top and look out. A blood red sun sinks slowly casting its crimson rays across our land. A breeze kicks up to run its invisible fingers through my hair and caress my skin. I close my eyes and lean into its embrace.

It's almost like flying.

Opening them, I can see our castle on the horizon, surrounded by the vast protectiveness of the Labyrinth. Father says that before the Labyrinth came to be, there were dozens of watchtowers just like this to keep the castle, its inhabitants, and the Goblin City safe. The one I'm currently in is the last.

When it finally falls down I'll no longer be able to see the twists and turns of the Labyrinth's walls- watching them move and change, never the same pattern twice. Or the edges of the Firey Forest to the east, or the dry, barren land where Father brings the Runners to start their trials. All of which will be mine someday.

It's a huge, terrifying responsibility. And this feeling, this almost-flying, helps. It allows me to put things into perspective. But it is also a blessed freedom- one that I'll also miss when this sanctuary of mine returns to the earth.

However, there is hope. Both Mother and Father's alternate forms are avian. Perhaps, mine will be as well.

* * *

Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to Jim Henson and Co.


	26. X is for Xerox

**X is for Xerox**

A few weeks before finals, the college library extended their hours to 24/7. It was now 2am , and she was no closer at understanding Physics 101 than she was when the class started in August.

"Damnit!" She threw her pen down in frustration. "I should have hired a tutor." Indeed, she should have, but Sarah had been too proud to ask for help in something so useless as physics. Why this class was a requirement, beat the crap out of her. She was a business major- not a science one.

Glancing over at the printing station, she wondered if her papers had printed out. When she first sent them, over an hour ago, the queue was 27 people deep. Figuring she needed a break anyhow, Sarah stood, stretched and headed over.

Weirdly there was nobody else in the area waiting for their documents. And walking closer, Sarah could see that the copier part of the machine was open and copying of its own accord. Then she heard a high-pitched giggle. Frowning, she scooped up the overflowing tray and saw not words upon words of various academic documents, but butts.

Flipping through the pages, she saw that each page contained butts of various shapes and sizes. Non-human butts.

Goblins.

Sarah groaned, not only was her paper missing, she'd have to clean this up.

Looking around, she tried to spot the little demons. Where were they? Oh, invisible. She forgot they could do that while Above. Huh, but they were still able to Xerox their derrières. The irony was not lost on her.

Double checking the stack in her hands for her paper, she came across a different, albeit, familiar butt.

Jareth's.

Chuckling, she shook her head and rolled her eyes. Men of any world were the same.

* * *

Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to Jim Henson and Co.


	27. Y is for Yarn

**Y is for Yarn**

"I've got another surprise for you," Jareth said as they headed towards what she dubbed the Nest Room.

"For the love of- not another nest," she griped. He had to have about a dozen or so by now- of varying sizes and materials. Wherever he found the time to build them was a mystery to her.

"No, not another nest. Something else," he assured as they came to the door. "Close your eyes- no peeking."

"Fine," she acquiesced holding her hands out for him to take and lead her inside.

Jareth had told the truth- it wasn't another nest, but a giant egg woven from purple sparkly yarn. It towered over them glinting here and there from the light cascading in from a nearby window. Leaning closer to it, Sarah noticed that it wasn't simply woven- it had been crocheted in an intricate pattern of loops and spirals.

She looked at him as if he'd grown multiple heads. "When did you learn how to crochet?"

He smiled, pleased. She had noticed. "There's lots of things you don't know about me."

"Huh," Sarah scratched the back of her head, thinking. "You know, humans don't lay eggs, Jareth. So, if you're trying to hint at something- you're going about it the wrong way."

He looped an arm around her waist and kissed the top of her head. "No ulterior motives, Precious. I'm just sharing my hobbies with you."

"Unusual hobbies," she muttered, unsure if he was telling the truth about that. Then smiling brightly at him, she asked, "Does that mean I'll be getting a fancy sweater from you for Christmas? Oh, and Karen loves crocheted dishrags… hats- you could make Toby and my dad hats! And…."

Jareth bit back a groan. Maybe he should have kept this hobby a secret.

* * *

Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to Jim Henson and Co.


	28. Z is for Zombie

**Z is for Zombie**

"RAWR!" Toby lunged at Sarah who giggled at him.

"Toby, zombies don't 'rawr,' they moan like this," she demonstrated her best zombie moan while holding her arms out stiffly in front of her.

"That's not a zombie, that's a mummy." Jareth interjected. He was leaning on the doorframe watching.

"Well, isn't a mummy just a zombie wrapped in cloth?" Sarah reasoned, lifting Toby up to sit on the kitchen table to finish his makeup. Karen and Robert were at a party, and had asked her to take him trick-or-treating.

"I suppose." He was only too happy to help Sarah mind Toby. An unexpected bonus was being included the Williams' family Halloween tradition of watching classic horror films- many of which he'd never seen before.

"Budge over," he ordered, grabbing Sarah's eyeliner out of her makeup bag and shouldering her aside. "His eyes are all wrong."

"Jareth, you didn't even know what a zombie was until today."

Turning, he gave Sarah a pointed look. "I do know a thing about makeup."

"Fine," she huffed picking up the candy bowl. She dug through it looking for chocolate and found it lacking. "Hey, have you guys been eating all the- ?" But before she could finish, the doorbell rang, and she left to deal with the latest gaggle of superheroes, princesses, and sheet ghosts.

Walking back into the kitchen Sarah noticed Jareth looking extremely pleased with himself. That was never a good thing and it took her a minute to figure out why. Tilting Toby's head back to get a good look at his face, she saw that he had the same markings around his eyes as Jareth's: upswept eyebrows and a bit of shimmer on his eyelids.

Sarah groaned and smacked Jareth's shoulder.

* * *

Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to Jim Henson and Co.

A/N: So this is it for a while! I've been writing these stories for a year now, and want to take a break.


End file.
